I received an email from a Christian man that I wanted to share with you and let you see my response:
I am currently in a bit of a dillemma. I was faced with the opportunity to buy a house, or go to Ukraine. It looks like buying a house might be winning the battle right now. But, I will most likely be in touch concerning a tour a year from now.
I would be really curious as to how you would accomodate my special request for a committed Christian woman, because I know that’s not the norm. I can see that most at least claim to be Christians, but my experience is that it is usually tradition and not personal, at least they’re certainly not versed in the Scriptures, like I would like my wife to be. And I have a pretty tall order too, because I also want her to be smokin’ hot! HAHA don’t we all!
I love your candor. Building a nest for your future queen sounds like a great choice – but I also understand the Biblical wisdom that “it’s not good for man to be alone”. Your future wife might enjoy being part of the search for that home. Just a thought.
Todd, I’m a born-again Christian. My dad has been a pastor all of his life. When I grew up we were part of a mega church of 5,000 + members so I was introduced to various world-leading ministers as they came through. Later, I was on staff of a church plant that grew to about 200 attendees in the first year. I was the worship leader. Many of the men in our Tribe are Christians and I’ve even prayed with some while in Ukraine on their Quest Tour.
I’ve heard your question stated in various forms before. In essence, what some Christian men are looking for is someone already as on-fire for Christ as they are – but they also want it to come in a Proverbs 31 package of femininity, grace, and love. The problem with dating women in the West is that they don’t understand God’s model for marriage. They compete for the role of spiritual leader and use manipulation to one-up their spouse of who is the more righteous.
In the story of Jacob and Rachel the journey to look outside of one’s own kinsmen starts with this verse: Genesis 27:46 “Then Rebekah said to Isaac, “I’m sick and tired of these local Hittite women! I would rather die than see Jacob marry one of them.””
I had previously done a Webinar on the top 10 comparative differences with foreign women that you may also be interested in:
When Isaac and Rebekah sent Jacob on a journey to find his wife they were not looking for a good Jewish girl, but one who would be a “helper” for him, as God said at the creation of Eve. Jacob is the man and he had a unique calling on his own life to create a nation. His wife was there to fuel his energies and support his mission. Many Christians mistakenly look for women who feel they have their own calling and are looking for a man to be a “helper” for her ministries.
Instead, consider the words of Ruth in Ruth 1:16 – 17: But Ruth replied, “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. 17 Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us!”
Would a woman with fierce loyalty like that serve her man? Of course. And she would be blessed and fulfilled in doing so every day of her life.
The calling on the Christian man is to be the priest and king of his home. The role of king is that of leader in the physical world in which we live. It means he is going somewhere, creating relationships, and providing economically for those in his kingdom (immediate family). The role of priest is that of spiritual leader. He is to declare, “As for me and my house we will serve the Lord!” But more than a declaration – as priest, he teaches from the scriptures and helps guide those in his care – as a priest would. If you were a priest, or pastor, how ridiculous would it sound if you announced that the only people who could attend your church were other priests? Yet that is exactly what many lazy Christians want!
Instead, what you will find overseas are women who have, in their core, the values that God intended for women to have. They will support their men and care for them. But they look to the men to be ‘the man’ and provide leadership. They look to him with inquisitive eyes and ask, “What is our family about? Where are we going? How can I help? How do I serve and love our God?”
These are not heathen women! They are dedicated to their part of being in the Russian Orthodox Church. The doctrine of salvation with Christ as our provision and payment for sin is the same. Their Bible is our Bible. Their prayers are personal. They believe in a personal God.
What you need to do is go with a prayer and petition to God the Father and ask him to lead you to the one who will support you and the calling God has on your life. Then you can begin to teach her the deeper meanings of scripture. Introduce her to others in the faith – and watch her become elated with a holy zeal for her expanded understanding of the scripture and the role of the Holy Spirit in our lives.
I hope that was helpful.